An Angel's Beautiful Scream
by BrainDamage
Summary: (Re-written) My take on Karen , Schoen from Schreint . Warning inside. Please Review.


A/N : This one has the rating it has because it involves diffrent themes as Eating Disorders and attemptive to rape. You had your warning !! Don't read if it bothers you! If you DO read it and you feel offended and you write to the big guys on ff.net and they put the R rating down like they did to NC-17, you suck, ok? NO offense. And yes ,I am upset , but whatever. Enjoy and review.Or don't review.Or flame.I know many ppl. don't like Schreint so sorry......but I do. Flame me if you don't like it , it 's cold here....*shivers* Okay , okay *laughs* please review !  
  
  
  
An Angel's Beautiful Scream  
  
A city just like any other . Indeed. So many people , they seem like robots,useless puppets with no need of even beeing noticed or being mercy of . So I used to think before. Now I am myself a puppet . And I have to admit it feels rather good.  
  
A slim silhouette walking trough the people .Dressed in a long black trench coat ,with black latex boots and with a black bag hanged on her shoulder the only thing that attracts looks towards her is her beautiful red hair falling down on her back and face, the way a small part of it seemed to cover her left cheek.That's me.Call me Karen.  
  
No , not Schoen anymore. I'm Karen .  
  
I'm heading towards home now. A real home where a cute little orange kitten awaits me and a hot cup of tea and some good food.I just came back from last moment Christmas shopping. I'll send Tot the teddybear trough mail , even if it will come late, she'll love it. I guess at this time she must be playing with the children in the yard , making snowmen or something .  
  
I used to hate Holidays before . It feels so odd to be normal again. But I see the diffrence now. I ....we ....we were all so bitter while Schreint existed , we either wanted revenge either money .Honestly , money always tempted me more . I don't know about Tot tough , she never seemed to care about anything , not now not before . Yes , she did changed a bit , but she is still such a child ! It was good for me to see her slowly gaining some maturity.  
  
I should start with the beggining , huh ?  
  
Not much to say , really. After Weiss and Schwarz destroyed the building , they went away as fast as they came ,the cowards, and I woke up in a pile of dust and bricks , under a desk. If it wasn't for that large desk to protect me , I think I would of been dead by now . I looked around , my whole body was in pain , but I needed to know wether my teammates were alive. As I walked ,barely breaking trough the destruction , coughing because of the dust and ashes I heard a painful moan somewhere where I last seen Tot. I rushed as fast as I could and found the poor girl barely breathing with a big wooden board that must of strucked her down on the floor.  
  
With all the strength I had left I pulled her out of there and tried to give her first aid as good as I could . Our group was instructed not to ever go to the Hospital , mainly because our wounds were provoked by bullets and other objects that would not normally cause such wounds by accident. But , as I sat there , on my knees watching the young girl in front of me , barely breathing , coughing up blood on her beautiful blue dress she loves so much I realized that we were no ones anymore. We were free , Schreint was gone....wasn't it ?  
  
And she was my teammate . And she was only fifteen for God's sake !  
  
I tried not to waste much time . I screamed for my other two teammates , in hope for help , but I heard nothing , so I grabbed Tot in my arms and managed to get to my car that was parked on the highway and speeded up to the Hospital . I told theme we were supposed to have a picnic somewhere near and we entered the house and it just blew up . Nice story , huh ? But they bought it.  
  
With the money there was no problem , I had enough in two bank accounts under diffrent names , one in Tokyo and another one in Germany . Tot had a week coma , time in witch I was either worried sick either worked to ger ourselves a new life. And I have to be proud of myself because in record time I found myself a job and a place to stay .  
  
A very rich friend of mine I called for help one night was just looking for a baby-sitter for his 3 kids . Imagine what a luck on me ! As soon as Tot was out of the coma , she took the first train to Kyoto .From then our lives went 'underground' to say so.No one knows about us anymore.We're normal people now.  
  
Before going in the train , she must of noticed my worried look. What if she wouldn't make it ? What if she would of get lost ?I never recalled Tot being able to do something without getting into trouble while going by herself. I gave her clear and simple instructions , even a map of the Kyoto, and I made her repeat at least ten times what she had to do. Suddenly, while waiting to get aboar she came to me , stood in front of me and looked straight into my eyes.  
  
"Karen....thank you.....thank you for saving me and for getting me out of Schreint.....I can now be myself , I can live my childhood for real , I don't have to fake it anymore, I don't have to live in an imaginary world anymore. It means a lot to me that I am not under control and I'll do something I like . I'll be able to play with kids now ! " She jumped smiling.  
  
I stood speachless. This was the most mature speech Tot ever said.She looked so natural, she wasn't faking it.Before I knew it , she was waving me good bye screaming she'll write me soon.  
  
I looked for my lost teammates .But lost they stayed . I couldn't find theme anywhere , not even in the morgue...I miss theme. We were in all this together , I wished they would of been by my side , I'm sure that at least one of theme would of been happy we were free , with no obligations to no one but ourselves. But I didn't saw theme since then. They must of got rid of the bodies and burned theme at the crematorium.  
  
Once with our last fight something changed in me for good. For the first time in years I was afraid . When I woke up under that desk and saw the house burned down and crushed , I was afraid of being left all alone . I recall I didn't even said "ouch!" , the first word coming out of my mouth was "Tot!" after that I called for someone, anyone . And I stayed there , full panic invaded my soul , so much fear , those few seconds were filled with feelings I haven't felt in years . For all of theme it took only a few moments to come back.  
  
I asked myself what was I going to do , where was I going ? So many questions and instructions running trough my mind. I was on the verge of crying when I heard Tot's moan . As I saw her there, alive , my brain and my whole body started to function like before ,she gave me my sanity back. I thinked about it , those moments . It only takes seconds to loose yourself and make a fatal mistake.  
  
But it's all fine now.  
  
So many mistakes in my life, everything because of the people in my life .  
  
I remember the 6th grade.... I was not as beautiful as I am now , I was rather chubby , so that didn't helped at all in sports.And , because of that they all laughed at me . I caried my burden all the way trough 6th and 7th grade , but it was in the 8th when I finally cracked and I became anorexic.  
  
I barely ate anything.More fruits and tons of water.In a short period I lost a lot and a came from being the chubby girl to be the one they called 'the ghost' . Why ? Because I lost the color of my skin , and it became white because of the lack of vitamins , I was more a walking skeleton than a human been. But I loved it , because now all those pants I liked so much fitted and I could wear what the other girls wore. I was close of getting into the hospital because I fainted in class , but I got away with it.  
  
A few days after that , guess what ? Someone gave me a card with a name and a phone number and told me I should call. I looked on it . it said , black on white : " Lilly Model's Agency " ! This was as close to a dream as I could get ! I was , of course , hired . So I gave up on school and went into a model career . It was crazy and beautiful ! But , as I grew older , new models were coming in and I had to back away . In fashion world , after 26 you are already old You'll stay until you turn 27 or 28 if you're really lucky and very very good looking. I guess I wasn't so up to their standards so I had to give up because no one hired me anymore.  
  
I stayed home for a while.Occuping my time with trying to find another job.I wasn't in a hurry because the money I earned trough the years were enough to last me at least a year . And then it happened .That horrible night of June. I recall it was so hot and I was dressed in a summer dress , I think it was blue with yellow flowers , I was coming back from shopping. I didn't even noticed when he grabed my hand and covered my mouth with his other hand.I remember his voice.  
  
"Make a sound and you die." He told me .  
  
He was young , I knew it , he smelled nice and he was so strong ! I tried to fight , but I couldn't do anything, he was taller then me anyway . My fighting stopped when he pulled out his knife and shred my dress. After that he put me down , I felt the hot cement scratching my back , as he blindfolded me . He sat over me , and I could feel his weight as he was playing with his hands on my face , than down , lower and lower , on my breasts , trying to undo my bra .  
  
I was petrified . What was I supposed to do ?  
  
" You are so beautiful . Just like a doll.....so helpless.....so fragile....." He said . His voice was rough . As he played with his tongue on my cheek I could feel his breath , it smelled like cheap cigars and alcohol.It made me have cold shivers down my spine.  
  
Then only one idea managed to pass trough my mind. I kissed him. I took his mouth in mine , it was the most horrible experience ever ... I managed to rise a bit , pushed my lips on his. That made him be confused , I knew it . In that moment , I kicked him with my leg in his abdomen as hard as I could. I fastly removed the scarf off my eyes. He crouched on the ground in pain , but he got up and tried to catch me. What did I got then ? I it was my bag maybe and I hit him in the face. He fell and he lost his knife . I got it and , in a moment where I lost myself I cut his arm and abdomen and I left him bleeding on that alley.  
  
I called the Police and in a couple of minutes they came and immediately got him in arrest. As I stood in the police station , with a cup of coffe in my hands , after a police woman came and covered me with a blanket , as I awaited someone to come and take my statement , I saw my rapist's face on a panel . Around him , I saw at least a dozen diffrent sized pictures of diffrent women and girls . All of theme blonde or readheads .  
  
"Are those all the other women he attacked ? " I asked when a police men came and sat next to me.  
  
He looked at the panel and rose ,heading towards it.  
  
" Yeah . They were in a total number of 11 . You were the 12th . You are very lucky miss , that you managed to escape. See these two ? "  
  
He asked me and showed a picture sorrounded by a red circle . Two beautiful girls , with bright eyes , dressed in colorful clothes , with a long honey blonde hair falling down their back . One of theme is holding tight a teddy bear and she's smiling . The other sticks her tongue out showing towards her 'Hello Kitty' pink T-Shirt . I blinked .  
  
"Yes...."  
  
" Aiko and Yako Tashimoto . 15 and respectievely 16 years old , sisters . He raped theme both at one hour diffrence . After two weeks Aiko commited suicide , when Yako found out she went crying in the bathroom . And there she stayed . We found her later with her wrists slit and a empty bottle of liquid detergent , laying next to her on the floor. There was nothing we could do , she was already dying under our eyes , and until the ambulance got to the hospital the only place we could send her was the morgue."  
  
I stood speachless as I took another look at the photo. They both looked so happy and hyper , staying there on the sofa .How could this happen ?  
  
Everything marked me so much that I stood in the home after dark , I was afraid of everyone. His words came into my mind over and over again.  
  
"Just like a doll...."  
  
A doll.....  
  
" Helpless...."  
  
" Fragile...."  
  
I kept on remembering those girls , I didn't wanted to end up like theme. Aiko was in despair and the only way she could fight the dirt feeling she had was to kill herself. I didn't wanted to do that , I wanted to stay alive.  
  
And that triggered me . They all thought that beautiful women were fragile ? I wanted to prove theme wrong. A whole year I pendulated between my job as a librarian and self-defense classes and boxing.  
  
And then , 'salvation' came . A friend knew a friend witch knew another friend and so on . He introduced me to our boss. Ex-boss now.  
  
We met in a bar . There some guy hit on me , I got annoyed and beat the crap out of him. As I later found out , he only wanted a secretary .... funny thing , huh ? So from a soon to be - secretary , I ended up being a paid assasin and a bodyguard. Didn't matter anyway . I come from a family that...let's say couldn't afford much , so money always were a huge temptation for me.  
  
So there goes my life in 60 seconds . Being an assasin has its advantages. Well....it has LOTS of advantages .....first , it affects your conscience .After you kill your first one , you feel guilty , but it always comes the second one , the third one , the fourth and you lose count....and , after a while , you end up strongly believing that everyone you kill is a psychotic murderer . Your first ones are , indeed , but in the end you don't care anymore. The price for their heads go higher and higher and the money rule you.  
  
But my rapist didn't lived to see freedom again , trust me . But.....shhh......don't tell.....okay ?  
  
I pass trough downtown , ready to get home any moment . Can't wait for some hot tea, I'm practically freezing ! I bump into someone .  
  
" Oh , I'm so sorry !"  
  
"It's okay." I hear a manly voice. He dropped his briefcase and papers in his hands.  
  
" I was up in the clouds , sorry ..." I say smiling , trying to help him to find his papers on the sidewalk.  
  
He looks at me , I look at him. A young man , maybe in his early 30 , brunette , bussiness suit and glasses. He looks at me shyly as I give him the last papers. He says something that sounded like 'thank you' , gives me another smile and gets lost trough the people.  
  
Amazing. Men still like me. I put my hand under my hair , on my left cheek.The scar Siberian gave me . You bastard ! The doctors said they are not sure they can cover it very soon , maybe never. They said if I rush with it , it might not have the wanted result. I sigh. Not like it would matter now very much , huh ?  
  
I hurry to pass near the park. Right after that corner is where I live. A sob makes me stop. I look around , trying to find its source. There it is.....  
  
I see a young girl , about 15 or 16 , she's staying on a bench , dressed too thick for this weather . She's crying. I cannot help it . I should of been home long ago but.....what the hell..... So I head towards her bench and sit next to her.  
  
"Are you okay ? " I ask and look at her.  
  
She rises her head from her hands , and shows me a pair of blue eyes , swollen by tears. She's confused and scared , of course, she doesen't know me. I also notice she isn't Japanese , maybe half Japanese , her face structure betrays her.  
  
" It's okay , I won't hurt you ....I saw you were crying and.....what's wrong ? " I gaze at her. She looks like me when I was her age . Not fat , nor thin , orange hair falling on her back , tied in a ponytail.  
  
" Why people enjoy hurting others ? " She asks me after a while in a very good Japanese , with a slight accent tough.  
  
" It's just the sadistic part we all have inside. But most of theme are just morons." I say.  
  
I hear a laugh and I look towards her. Her smile is so beautiful and bright.  
  
" He told me I don't.....look so good so he doesen't want to be my boyfriend." She replies.  
  
Oh....men....bastards ! How could he ? In Christmas Eve ?  
  
" People can't appreciate . If you are beautiful they say either that you're ugly , either that you're not beautiful enough. The thing you must hold on to is yourself.If you are satisfied with yourself , don't mind theme. Never do it because of theme , do it so you will feel satisfied. People tried to put me down when I was your age too !"  
  
She gazes at me now , in amazement.  
  
" But....you are so beautiful !"  
  
" Excuse me ? "  
  
" I mean it ! You look so energic , vivd and alive ! I wish I could be like you , miss."  
  
" You don't have to be like me.....be who you are , people will like you more than a person you like to copy.What do you say , can you try that ? Look . " I say smiling and I show her my scar. " I don't hate it that much because it's a part of me now. It represents me, but it doesen't take anything from me."  
  
She looks at my scar. From a straight face , I see a smile.She rises from the bench suddenly.  
  
" Miss, I don't know who you are , or why you came to me , you could as well be an angel , I don't know , but thank you. You made me feel so much better....I don't know how or why.....I.....thank you.Thanks a lot...."  
  
And as a reward she gave me the most sincere smile ever and she ran away in the park trough the snow. I smile. Oh , look ! Snow ! It started to snow ! It's like magic ! It just started snowing , just like that , out of nowhere !  
  
I take away the hair off my cheek , leaving my scar out in the view of anyone. I smile now.....no , I laugh.....  
  
What does beautiful really mean anyway ?  
  
  
  
  
  
~Owari~ 


End file.
